Sunday, 17 August 2014

Escape to Nowhere

She was running…Speedily...without any pause.. She was just running fast. Why, what was the reason? Don’t know, all she knew that she was running. The way she was running, anyone could reach to a conclusion that she might be in a hurry to reach somewhere, or maybe she was trying to run away from something, but if she wanted to run away then too she was not looking backward. Whatever was it…her speed was quite fast and her breath were also running fast.

That road where she was running was vacant, desolate and quiet. A long and steady road doesn’t know from where it started off and where it will end up.  Her eyes were looking into a distant vacuum (which was extended on that long road), towards a distant and endless path.
The two things that were breaking the silence of that road were, first, the noise of her running and second her heart beat which was beating so fast that it was sounding like an air pump.

Finally, she got tired off, her legs were badly paining, as if someone has squeezed out all their strength. She stopped in the middle of the road, her heart was breathing fast, she knelt down a bit and put hands on the knees, and then again she stood up straight. She looked all around in all possible directions and to that possible extent where her sight could reach. Nothing was there, neither human being nor any other creature nor any green stuff. It was all quiet, empty and sterile.

Then her eyes fell on a big stone, kept on the other side of the road. She walked slowly towards that stone. Her breath was now getting normal. She sat on the stone in a careless position. She locked her hands with each other; her hair were swinging all over her face, neck and shoulders. She then turned down her face; tightly closed her hands that were already tangled with each other and thereafter two drops of tear dropped` from her eyes and flowed down her cheeks....for the  next few moments tears continuously flowed. Then, she suddenly came back in her sense and wiped out the tears and looked around, nobody was there to see her crying. For a moment she felt relaxed.
But on the next moment she couldn't control herself and once again broke up in tears. Her cry was noiseless, eyes were shading tears, but she did not even scream for a single time. A lump of emotions and grief in her chest was trying to come out with a big bellow, but each time she was swallowing it back. She covered her face with hands and closed her lips tightly and folded them inside, but no longer she could keep them in that position; still she succeeded in keeping her tears flowing silent.

She did not know for how long she cried in that manner; all she knows that she cried…. While sitting on that stone.
Finally her tears dried up and she stopped crying. Can’t say whether she gets tired off with crying and she did not have anymore strength to cry or there were no more tears left in her eyes. She stood up and took a sigh and started walking back on the road. She was going back to the way from where she came. However, this time her feet were slow, as if there was no hurry to reach anywhere; she was walking carelessly. This time on the road she came across some people, going on their ways; both sides saw each other and moved on their ways respectively.

She was walking slowly…..and  even more slowly as if she did not want to finish the journey, as if she was not willing to reach the destination. However, she reached there and now she was standing outside the house. She opened the main gate in a very slow manner and then closed it with the same pace, so that nobody can listen or notice her arrival. She then entered into the house and looked here and there. Everything was the same and at its place as she left them. Somebody was reading newspaper, someone was watching TV and she could smell the aroma of food being cooked in the kitchen. Nobody noticed her presence nor saw her. She quietly went into her room and fell down on bed and pretends as if she is sleeping. But before entering the room she felt that perhaps somebody asked her, ”where were you, what were you doing?” but those words disappeared in air as soon as they encountered with her ears.

Once again two drops emerged at the corners of her eyes and flowing through cheeks, fell on pillow.
Her mother came into the room and stood near her bed,” lunch is ready, will you eat now?” she removed her tears quickly and very cleverly also, then she replied in a stable voice, “No, later, I am not hungry.” She said those words without changing her posture on bed side.  Her mother stood there for few moments and then left the room with mumbling some words that she couldn't listen clearly or may be she didn't want to listen.
She came back into her world and again started crying, swallowing own screams and yells, the pillow was getting wet and so her face.

Image Courtesy: Google

P.S. This is an old post, originally written Here
Please bear with the poor English grammar as I haven't checked it with any grammar tool.

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Aziz Jaunpuri said...

Beautiful creation

Suresh Swapnil said...

good. very visual. can be converted into a beautiful short film !

Suresh Swapnil said...

good. very visual. can be converted into a beautiful short film !

Maniparna Sengupta Majumder said...

The description of each and every gesture of the girl is wonderful with minute detailing...but I think you could at least give a hint for her consistent feeling of sadness. Just a suggestion..hope you won't mind.. :-)

Bhavana Lalwani said...

Hello Maniparna, suggestions are alwasy welcome and waited :):):) .. thanks a lot for your precious feedback... this is a description of a mental state and the reason behind her sorrow, I left this on reader's imagination ..
To be honest, this is not a fiction work its a personal experience, I wrote this piece during a particuler time period and didnt feel like to mention the exact reason that time ( many friends were already aware of the reason and those days I didnt had much readers out side my frnd circle). Now as you have asked, then the reason is Failure in UPSC.. It was a BIG DREAM and it Shattered, a long journey ended..

I think, anyone who is going through a deep pain can relate him/herself to this story.

Anita said...

Emotions are very well-expressed, Bhavana. Touching story.
But, usually parents know what we are up to... at least mine knew if I have shed a tear! They would do everything to make me smile!
We all go through ups & downs & feel low at times when we don't achieve our dreams. But, everything happens for a reason.
Nice when we have supportive & understanding people by our side.

Bhavana Lalwani said...

Thank u Anita.. life teaches us in different ways and .....

the question you have asked, how come it is possible that when someone is crying and it remain hidden from parents then this essay
may give an answer.

R Miglani said...

you are at ease with picturesqueness

Abhishek Ghosh said...

Touching story of a teenager..... Family will always be there to support you in distress..... but sometimes we need to express our sadness....:) enjoy life king size

Abhishek Ghosh said...

quite touching.... family will always be there by ur side in times of distress.... only you have to express the pain inside and enjoy life king size... :)

Anunoy Samanta said...

Hi Bhavana, your piece reminded me of the prelude of a serial-piece I started on 2007, in Bengali though... the protagonist was a guy so he preferred some weeds over tears you know :-))