Friday, 12 January 2018

Song of A Phoenix

My Dear Little Girl,

How are you ? It has been a long time since we have spoken to each other.  It has been more than ten long years of that December morning, a whole decade !!! when we made a promise to ourselves. I know, how much you exactly  remember every thing about that cold yet sunny morning. Right now, when I am writing this letter to you, I know, you are going through a tough phase of life. That is the reason, I am here to remind you something from the past , from that glorious and colorful past which you might be forgetting or perhaps, have lost belief on your own words.

The day and that moment  is still alive in my memories. Darling, in all those years, you have grown up in a beautiful, confident and mature woman; you have come across a long journey. You have crossed the oceans and treaded upon the  most stony and thorny paths. Sweetheart, your journey is a worth telling story of  struggle and hardships. Dreams, that you nurtured in your heart with the blood of your soul, however couldn't be fulfilled completely, still you managed to achieved some of them.  

Flames of passion, ambition and aspiration ... Flames of hopes and desires ... To become an IAS officer. How easy does it sounds.. No ?? Yes, it was easy; It was hell easy to fall in love with just the thought of becoming an IAS and enjoying all that position, status, powers and of course monetary gains that will come along with that lucrative post.     And you loved this dream from the depth of your heart and from the core of your soul.

Was it that easy ? especially, when you come from a small and traditional town. You dared to challenge all the barriers of society that draw the lines for second gender and expect them to be satisfied with whatever options and choices given to them. It was the rage of those hundred and thousand flames that you denied to get married with less educated men, becoming a housewife and to give up the  ambition of becoming an IAS. You decided to go to new Delhi for further coaching and study. The very first girl of your prestigious family who went out of city for STUDIES. People warned you about crossing the "right age" of marriage and producing children and if not then being left to rot like an old sprinter; yet you did not moved even a single inch from your decision. That was the power of those burning flames in your heart that nobody could stand in front of your aspirations.

My dear, how on earth could  anyone  have imagine that this meek, shy, not so out spoken girl  who can't even manage the  "Simple Social Talks"; who have not seen the WORLD out of her cozy and safe home, can take such bold and strong decision. However, your parents knew that their little girl can not only take this decision but will also carry it with all her might. 

Why am I calling you little girl !!! you were not that much little at the time of  those big decisions. But, do I not know that your inner self is of a little girl; giggling, chirping and living in your own castles of  dreams. Soul of a little girl, hidden in the body of  an adult woman; this is how you appear in front of the world.

I know, you do not want to recall all those bitter memories of day to day struggles and troubles, your ailments due to the tough routine and harsh weather of Delhi etc. The cycle of life has once again brought you on such a  juncture when you are feeling depressed and lost. The Physical ailments has given you sufficient reasons to cry for better sunny days of life. But remember your own words, that you spoke on that December Morning, " This is the bottom line of My Life. I can't go down any further. Now I have to rise upwards only. There is one way only and that Way goes Upwards straight."  Do you remember your own words, "I am the phoenix who will rise from it's own ashes." Only you could have said such words in those  tough times.

And you Rose up, you shone like a morning star; Yes My girl that was you, who wrote the IAS mains just after three days of a finger surgery (right hand index finger). Do you remember those Bloody Words of doctors who once declared that you need to consult a psychologist and all that bla bla bla... 

It was you, who proved all those people wrong, who said, "Ahh, SHE!!!! she is looking like an old woman with white hair and wrinkles on her face, what she will do now. how her parents are going to find a good match for her ?

They were all wrong. You prove them wrong. Your selection in State Administration Services and the Degree of NET gave them a befitted reply.  And even before that,  before this Tag of Officer and all that decorum, you found a hidden talent of yourself. A talent or say a quality that might have remained hidden inside the pages of your personal diary, bloomed up in a shape of Two Blogs. Yes !!!, Two Blogs . From My Desk and Life With Pen And Papers.  "From my desk" was a tiny step into the world of blogging, a window of your thoughts, imaginations and fantasia. This blog gave a voice to all your pain, tears, sadness and whatever feelings that had shattered you in different ways after the failure in IAS. Little girl, your first ever story  "Yatra" was uploaded on this blog. However, this blog was not just for literary work; you wrote various informative articles about different social economic issues on this blog. And then, you realized that writing stories, fictions, book reviews and personal experiences is something that you enjoy the most rather than the academic work. Hence, this  current blog "Life with Pen & Papers" came into existence. A journey of your literary work, no matter how small or less impressive it was;  all that mattered is, It was a world of your creations, a place that gave a platform for everything that you wished to showcased, be it writing or photography or participating in online contests. A warm place woven with the the emotions, thoughts, fantasies and impulses of your soul. 

This blogging and writing helped a lot; right ?? it gave a new recognition and new level of energy  to the name and person who was still going through the struggle phase in her career. It not just only diverted your negative energy into a positive mode but also rekindle all those little hundred and thousand flames that got diminish due to the infelicities of life. Those flames and their combined energy gave new wings to the phoenix who was slowly slowly rising from it's own ashes. The sparkle and heat of flames that grew more and more fierce with each post that you wrote on blog. And, remember, when you wrote your story of struggle of those years in two parts, titled; Koyaliya Mat Kar Pukar !!! There were mixed reactions; some of your so called well wisher Friends took it as a publicity gimmick or sympathy gaining idea in virtual world. Some others said that writing all this stuff wasn't necessary and maybe the things have been presented in exaggerative manner.

However, that was not the case. You wrote that story because it helped to clean out and wash out all that pain, depression and storms of defeats that were being piled up in your heart from a long time.It was like venting out all your emotions in one go !!!!! moreover, no matter what others said, it took courage to write down all those emotions and cycle of events that you have gone through. It took a hell lot of courage to tell your story to the world; to unfold the pages of personal life... to scratch the wounds again that were healed up. It was a journey to your inner self. 

Right now, when I am reminding you all these things, something from the past is trying to make a come back in our collective memories.  That Greeting Card !!!!, do you remember it ???, What was most appalling about that simple card ? Inside empty, just a scenery of mountains and a lake !!!! or was that the quote, printed at the bottom of the card which immediately caught your attention. Climb High Climb Far, Your Goal The Sky, Your Aim The Stars  without any second thought, you picked up the card and bought it.... bought it for  A Day that you imagined will come in Near future. You decided that one day when you will achieve your goal of becoming an IAS and the day when your Dreams will Come True; you will give this card to yourself; a kind of award or medal or whatever one may call it. In your heart, you knew that such a lovely gift is a worth to wait for. 

The inner side of the card is blank and you kept the blank space untouched for THAT Special Day. However, as the time passed by, this card got disappeared from your memory or the tough struggle of career and life forced you to forget this card. in both cases, darling ! it is the right time to pick this card again and write something in it and present it to yourself, as it was promised  a long ago..... There is never too late for anything.. And It is the perfect time to realize your own worth.... Be proud on what you have achieved in past years and Be Proud on all those wounds, the harsh experiences of life gave you. 

Once Again My Dear Girl, Roar Like a Tigress, Emerge from the Flames of fire pit. Remember, the proud words of your Mother when she said, "What other people's Sons could not do; My daughter has done that."  Let not her words get ruined by the harshness of life.. Little Girl, Do not let the splendour of those hundred flames get  diminish because these flames are the representatives of your own soul, your very existence, your personality, what you have become and how you wished to be recognized and remembered by the rest of the world. 

Your's Only,
 A little flame of your strong will.

This blog post has been written for the #AHundredLittleFlames contest at the platform of indiblogger.  The title of this book drove me to pen down my feelings about life and it's ups and downs. 

Image Courtesy : 1. The Lion Image and the Phoenix is from google.
                             2. The Greeting Card Pics are from my personal collection of greeting cards and not taken from internet. 

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