I do not want to....

I do not want to live anymore ..I do not want to go further, I do not want to step ahead.. yes I do not want to live anymore..I want to end it right here, right now..I want to die coz my eyes do not see any reason or excuse to live for many more years ..there is nothing that is calling my name or asking me to stay ..there is nothing that give me a reason to wake early and sleep soon..my presence is not welcomed by people around me..my presence do not create a pleasant ambiance for them in fact it embarrassed them for more than anything. it makes them feel bad ..about ..I do not know why  but yes it do not please them at all...and it is even not pleasing for me too but I have to swallow this ....

so why not make all of them happy, why not make them feel comfortable and relaxed..yes coz I am a burden for everyone…coz  nobody have answers of my questions and I too do not have answers of their questions, specially  when I see my dear once getting troubled and puzzled because of me and I can not do anything to solve the situation and I know somewhere inside that  I am the one who is responsible for all the mess...and still unable to clean it up.... when I see, I am the one... so let me stop this unending yet no result yielding session here…let me stop this heavy journey that is snatching everything, every beautiful emotion and feeling that I ever posses.... and let us all breath in a free air, an air of  peace that now nothing will haunt either of us, no more shadows of past, present and future will chase me. no more worries and odds will bother.

some times people ask me, why want to die.. without seeing the colors of life you want to leave, you want to run away!!!! my usual reply, "do you mean to say that there is still something left to see, is there anything more, I have to bear, I have to listen and accept..no, in that case, a big no" ...I do not want to expend the process anymore... call it escape, call it turning the face, call it cowardliness, call it  anything...but I want to stop it right here, right now..as I have no more enthusiasms left ..coz its sucking my life blood from inside...

I do not want to live anymore, if the life will remain the same, I do not if  it is the only option I have to carry for the rest of the years.. I wont if there is a silent road waiting for me to tread with naked feet. Yes I do not want ..but I know that I have to..coz it is not easy to end our own life ..its easy to wish but tough to full fill that....yeah and that is enough reason or excuse  to drag this life on and on...coz I know that I cnt change it..I cnt change anything...no law of gravity or physic will work here ..I need new laws and new lawmakers..but where I can find them??...I need new world, new life..I desperately need a new life with new role and new roads...and the only way to get it is to end the old one.. so let me sleep with a dream of new life..hidden somewhere in high skies and in white clouds of heaven(If there is any..)